I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
