I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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