She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
