I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
