if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
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We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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