My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
