what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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