I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We are two peas in an std pod
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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