R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
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Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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