I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
