So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
