You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
