I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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