I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
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Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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