This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
