I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
