I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
