hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
