I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize