After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
