You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
