she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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