the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
