No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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