The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
