we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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