Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
