My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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