i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp