well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start