I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder