dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
