One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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