Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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