he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Come on in and take your pants off
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
