Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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