Don't make out with my wife yet
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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