This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
