sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
