he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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