Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I could make wine with my vomit

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  (503): I could make wine with my vomit http://tfl.nu/9wng
  Replies (4) Good night (836) Bad night (2816)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?

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  (650): How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list? http://tfl.nu/v2ct
  Replies (28) Good night (1278) Bad night (4827)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you

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  (631): if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you http://tfl.nu/ij50
  Replies (27) Good night (3472) Bad night (4251)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  we'll go far in life on tits alone.

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  (401): we'll go far in life on tits alone. http://tfl.nu/gwfe
  Replies (22) Good night (5081) Bad night (1076)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...

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  (360): I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something... http://tfl.nu/7h7f
  Replies (21) Good night (7199) Bad night (1322)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.

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  (423): it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like. http://tfl.nu/iipz
  Replies (3) Good night (2839) Bad night (963)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.

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  (903): Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high. http://tfl.nu/bi94
  Replies (6) Good night (1454) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (+04): View more from

  I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.

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  (+04): I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs. http://tfl.nu/iwem
  Replies (4) Good night (1369) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR

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  (404): NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR http://tfl.nu/cqki
  Replies (21) Good night (956) Bad night (2559)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...

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  (763): Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana... http://tfl.nu/pyu2
  Replies (21) Good night (2043) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...

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  (561): You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day... http://tfl.nu/6lgs
  Replies (20) Good night (4378) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.

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  (610): The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it. http://tfl.nu/y85o
  Replies (2) Good night (849) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.

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  (501): When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot. http://tfl.nu/as5j
  Replies (1) Good night (1084) Bad night (334)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting

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  (778): He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting http://tfl.nu/ctvj
  Replies (0) Good night (295) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.

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  (402): dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today. http://tfl.nu/qeiy
  Replies (0) Good night (279) Bad night (120)

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