too bad you live with your parents still
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks