Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music