it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...