i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.