Texts From Last Night

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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.

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  (602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote. http://tfl.nu/5km0
  Replies (128) Good night (1328) Bad night (35105)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Good luck with that.

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  (419): I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me. (260): Good luck with that. http://tfl.nu/2zv5
  Replies (31) Good night (1167) Bad night (2956)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style

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  (917): so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style http://tfl.nu/9r5x
  Replies (39) Good night (12817) Bad night (1299)
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  (530): View more from California

  Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.

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  (530): Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering. http://tfl.nu/vhlw
  Replies (7) Good night (3940) Bad night (931)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety

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  (715): He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety http://tfl.nu/vghu
  Replies (4) Good night (2104) Bad night (1030)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.

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  (314): I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger. http://tfl.nu/9k0s
  Replies (9) Good night (3761) Bad night (856)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles

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  (204): Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles http://tfl.nu/rk9c
  Replies (13) Good night (2528) Bad night (963)
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  (949): View more from California

  He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.

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  (949): He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous. http://tfl.nu/nx97
  Replies (13) Good night (2496) Bad night (1377)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.

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  (970): I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me. http://tfl.nu/ryot
  Replies (7) Good night (2108) Bad night (782)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.

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  (774): You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians. http://tfl.nu/e4s1
  Replies (9) Good night (2830) Bad night (584)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.

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  (270): I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him. http://tfl.nu/jwhd
  Replies (1) Good night (1052) Bad night (470)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won

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  (856): Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won http://tfl.nu/yv5v
  Replies (2) Good night (849) Bad night (224)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces

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  (+61): I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces http://tfl.nu/enrv
  Replies (1) Good night (546) Bad night (221)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.

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  (410): I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling. http://tfl.nu/eba9
  Replies (3) Good night (354) Bad night (803)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants

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  (617): I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants http://tfl.nu/2nl4
  Replies (1) Good night (742) Bad night (211)

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