yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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