Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
