I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."