oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
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Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.