perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?