moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
