Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
