If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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