Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have aggressive nipples.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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