1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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