I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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