We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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