and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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