I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
As shirtless as possible
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
