cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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