you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
