He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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