where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
