It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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