it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
