K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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