Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
