I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
