I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize