I wish I could punch you in the face.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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