I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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