Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
