I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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