If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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