my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
