A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
