I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
