This is not my ceiling
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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