Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
