4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
