This is not my ceiling
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
