Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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