whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
