Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
