Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
