I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
