do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
