just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
