you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When are your genitals available?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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