They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I looked at my own cervix.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
